Pardon Me, But $@&^#%#!!!

I never intended for this blog to be a place for me to vent. I really just wanted to share news about Adair's treatment and recovery.

But you know what.... SOMETIMES PEOPLE NEED TO VENT!!! Right?

I am having such a rough day today. I feel so frustrated with this cancer stuff! It seems like every time Adair and I try to plan something (i.e. me going back to the nursing program in less than 2 weeks, getting our lives back on track, etc., etc., etc.) something terrible happens. I feel so torn. I know that for my family as a whole I really need to finish school and get a JOB! On the other hand, I know that Adair is really going to need me to help him through the unknown treatments that are coming up! He always tries to be so strong, which is why I love him so much, but I think it's time to be realistic! Will I really be able to handle the nursing program, the kids, Adair, and every other stressful thing that we have in our lives? That's probably a rhetorical question since I'm pretty sure I know the answer is a big fat NO! Not that I can't multi-task, but I'm definitely not a super-hero! :)

I think that my biggest problem right now is seeing how far the news of the failed bone marrow transplant has set Adair back. He looks so sad and there is nothing that can be said to change that. He is going through something that you never want to see someone you love go through. Something you can't fix, can't control, can't take away. It absolutely breaks my heart into a million pieces!! I guess that's why I want to be available to him at his every beck and call, because that is all I can do right now!

Oh, in all my ramblings just remember to love on your family everyday and never take life for granted. Never get caught up in the little things that tend to upset us on a daily basis. Remember life can always be worse! Even I know that, I mean, yeah, Adair has cancer, but it's under control, he has no pain, he eats what he wants. It's just knowing it's there, lurking, waiting to pounce. It causes quite a bit of anxiety!!

OK, I'm done. I'm gonna try to get a good nights sleep (with meds of course...) and try to see tomorrow with fresh eyes.

p.s. Adair had some scans done today. They put a STAT order on them so we should know something soon. Please pray that they can operate and remove that mess inside of him. I really think that's gonna be his best bet.

Take care & God bless...